I’ve been in a few relationships where the guy and I were crazy about each other and the possibility of marriage was openly discussed. For various reasons, however, they didn’t ultimately work out. (I decided to go on a mission, for example, another love-of-my-life decided he wanted a certain lifestyle that in the end could never jive with mine—talk about long, drawn-out break up.)

So yeah. I know what it means to be in love. I know what it means to be head-over-heels. 

Sometimes I forget and need to remind myself. But I do know.

And I have yet to meet someone I feel that way about where the circumstances are also right. Basically, I haven’t met the right person at the right time.

A lot of us have been taught some variation of: focus on being the right person and you will find the right person. Or, become the kind of person you want to marry, etc., etc.

While I do think there is some usefulness to that advice, I think it’s very limited. It might well serve the selfish person who hopes to find a loving spouse. It might be of use to the loser who plays video games or gossips all day who hopes to find a spouse with depth.

But for a lot of us, while we’re certainly far from perfect, this advice is not only useless but perhaps even detrimental.

We are the ones who have been in meaningful long-term relationships (romantic or otherwise) and know what it means to care, to love, to sacrifice. No, we’re not perfect at it, but we know how to and are willing to put forth the effort to make a relationship work.

We are the ones who have lives and interests of our own and are ready to share them with someone else. We’re healthy enough to not be needy, but still realize that there are times when it’s good to need.

We are the ones who realize that looks aren’t everything, but definitely work to maximize what we’ve been given.

We are the ones who are already right for someone. While there may always be room for the improvement of certain traits, we do not need to change who we are in essentials.

We have a lot to give. And when we meet the right person, we’ll be ready to give it.

written ages ago